Ever since I started my new job, I worry I’m becoming boring. Part of it’s the practical aspects: my schedule is insane. Client meetings, gym, hurried meals of pre-made deli food. Everything that gives-life or is-fun (Writing, socializing, traveling) has lately met the chopping block.
If I was working 60-80 hours/week, I would just collapse at the end of the day. The most I ever worked was 50-60 hours/week and it was basically my whole life. I'm impressed you can even find the energy to exercise
Dec 19, 2023·edited Dec 19, 2023Liked by Arielle Friedman
"I don’t know what the solution is. One approach is to split time, daily, switching between creative and practical modes. Another is to accept being broke, and to live within that constraint until a “making it” opportunity arrives, or doesn’t."
The first approach is 'obviously' the better one, but it's not so obvious that I didn't used to do the second -- in general diversifying time investment is as wise as it is with a stock portfolio -- diversification is the only free lunch in investing -- so for instance you could devote a block of time to the topics you mentioned it's clearly irrational not to comment on from your position -- you are passing by THAT opportunity but you can invest in both.
"But this skill is double-edged. When we install an observer, swell in self-awareness, exert control over spontaneous impulses—doesn’t that risk draining the color and variety from experience? "
Not if what you are constantly mindful of is representativeness of sample and make sure your emotional overton window is expanded, not shrunk -- the idea that adults CAN calm down has been used to FORCE them
"Ultimately, I am a superstitious person. I believe in signs and omens and fate. I worry I’m spending a moment of great Kairos clinging to boring Chronos. There’s a part of me, locked in terrified paralysis, convinced I’m allowing my destiny to pass me by.
And then the self-criticism chimes in. I’m being narcissistic (it’s not all about me), psychotic (seeing patterns in the noise, really?), narcissistic again (the world will be fine without my opinions, or if not fine, whatever it would’ve been anyway). I worry there’s a real tension here. Between, on one hand, childish grandiosity, and on the other, the necessary realization that life isn’t always interesting, dramatic, and creative—or if it is, I won’t always be the center of attention."
This second voice is simply wrong. Not wrong all the time, but wrong to listen to the average ROI is negative. As I put it, "Second guess your second guess" -- some second guesses turn out to be earlier guesses based on principles from earlier in life or earlier ideas -- follow the truly first guess always and learn so that your next first guess is better -- when this seems too risky manage risk to reach a situation where your intuition can be freed immediately.
I was thinking your voice was notably absent in my recent media landscape analysis: https://adamgolding.substack.com/p/why-peterson-blocked-me Some of these people will speak to you, seek them out. I recently wrote to another friend:
"I posted recently "Where are all the women in the war debates?"
6:00 PM
I g2g now but thanks for chatting.
6:00 PM
well, where are they? [redacted] should be writing about THAT
ttys
6:00 PM
Well I can't leave now
I want to hear this.
6:00 PM
lolol
well that's what feminism always said
toxic masculinity causes war
but the only loud pacificst voices in the jewish sphere are men
and ana kasparian
6:01 PM
How do I be loud?
6:01 PM
where are the LOUD LOUD LOUD feminists now?
Publish a video conversation with a nother woman on the topic of war
eg
6:01 PM
What does that entail. Posting in social media? Going to protest?
6:01 PM
no men in the room
6:01 PM
Ok.
6:01 PM
no long-form conversation
that would be my best idea
6:01 PM
Hmmm sounds good.
6:02 PM
*no, long-form
they say ukraine and russia can't reach a deal with american and britain in the room
6:02 PM
What if I don't know enough
6:02 PM
then interview someone to learn
6:02 PM
Ok
6:02 PM
or invite a third party to discuss the other side
6:02 PM
I can do that, as a therapist I'm pretty good at questions
6:02 PM
maybe a plaestinian woman and a jewish woman lol
yes you would be amazing
6:02 PM
Yeah
Thanks
I felt pretty helpless despite doing some protests and talking to folks at work about it in our anti oppressive practice group
This sounds better
More usedul
6:03 PM
good I think it's right
6:03 PM
Useful
6:03 PM
mental health requires a civic platform imo
not just private kvetching
ps the ban on polyamory in judiasm recently expired!
"constraints are essential to creative production."
As Igor Stravisnky is quoted in the opening to "Constraint Handling Rules" (not a music book) "The more one constrains oneself, the more one frees oneself" -- in that context the emphasis is on 'constrains' but in response to you my emphasis is on 'oneself' -- the constraints need not be externally imposed by bigots, and in exposure therapy the constraints *must* be self-imposed, otherwise the treatment is the same as the cause and you have a paradox if it works (it doesn't, in that case).
I love your writing ❤️
If I was working 60-80 hours/week, I would just collapse at the end of the day. The most I ever worked was 50-60 hours/week and it was basically my whole life. I'm impressed you can even find the energy to exercise
"I don’t know what the solution is. One approach is to split time, daily, switching between creative and practical modes. Another is to accept being broke, and to live within that constraint until a “making it” opportunity arrives, or doesn’t."
The first approach is 'obviously' the better one, but it's not so obvious that I didn't used to do the second -- in general diversifying time investment is as wise as it is with a stock portfolio -- diversification is the only free lunch in investing -- so for instance you could devote a block of time to the topics you mentioned it's clearly irrational not to comment on from your position -- you are passing by THAT opportunity but you can invest in both.
"But this skill is double-edged. When we install an observer, swell in self-awareness, exert control over spontaneous impulses—doesn’t that risk draining the color and variety from experience? "
Not if what you are constantly mindful of is representativeness of sample and make sure your emotional overton window is expanded, not shrunk -- the idea that adults CAN calm down has been used to FORCE them
"Ultimately, I am a superstitious person. I believe in signs and omens and fate. I worry I’m spending a moment of great Kairos clinging to boring Chronos. There’s a part of me, locked in terrified paralysis, convinced I’m allowing my destiny to pass me by.
And then the self-criticism chimes in. I’m being narcissistic (it’s not all about me), psychotic (seeing patterns in the noise, really?), narcissistic again (the world will be fine without my opinions, or if not fine, whatever it would’ve been anyway). I worry there’s a real tension here. Between, on one hand, childish grandiosity, and on the other, the necessary realization that life isn’t always interesting, dramatic, and creative—or if it is, I won’t always be the center of attention."
This second voice is simply wrong. Not wrong all the time, but wrong to listen to the average ROI is negative. As I put it, "Second guess your second guess" -- some second guesses turn out to be earlier guesses based on principles from earlier in life or earlier ideas -- follow the truly first guess always and learn so that your next first guess is better -- when this seems too risky manage risk to reach a situation where your intuition can be freed immediately.
I was thinking your voice was notably absent in my recent media landscape analysis: https://adamgolding.substack.com/p/why-peterson-blocked-me Some of these people will speak to you, seek them out. I recently wrote to another friend:
"I posted recently "Where are all the women in the war debates?"
6:00 PM
I g2g now but thanks for chatting.
6:00 PM
well, where are they? [redacted] should be writing about THAT
ttys
6:00 PM
Well I can't leave now
I want to hear this.
6:00 PM
lolol
well that's what feminism always said
toxic masculinity causes war
but the only loud pacificst voices in the jewish sphere are men
and ana kasparian
6:01 PM
How do I be loud?
6:01 PM
where are the LOUD LOUD LOUD feminists now?
Publish a video conversation with a nother woman on the topic of war
eg
6:01 PM
What does that entail. Posting in social media? Going to protest?
6:01 PM
no men in the room
6:01 PM
Ok.
6:01 PM
no long-form conversation
that would be my best idea
6:01 PM
Hmmm sounds good.
6:02 PM
*no, long-form
they say ukraine and russia can't reach a deal with american and britain in the room
6:02 PM
What if I don't know enough
6:02 PM
then interview someone to learn
6:02 PM
Ok
6:02 PM
or invite a third party to discuss the other side
6:02 PM
I can do that, as a therapist I'm pretty good at questions
6:02 PM
maybe a plaestinian woman and a jewish woman lol
yes you would be amazing
6:02 PM
Yeah
Thanks
I felt pretty helpless despite doing some protests and talking to folks at work about it in our anti oppressive practice group
This sounds better
More usedul
6:03 PM
good I think it's right
6:03 PM
Useful
6:03 PM
mental health requires a civic platform imo
not just private kvetching
ps the ban on polyamory in judiasm recently expired!
"
"constraints are essential to creative production."
As Igor Stravisnky is quoted in the opening to "Constraint Handling Rules" (not a music book) "The more one constrains oneself, the more one frees oneself" -- in that context the emphasis is on 'constrains' but in response to you my emphasis is on 'oneself' -- the constraints need not be externally imposed by bigots, and in exposure therapy the constraints *must* be self-imposed, otherwise the treatment is the same as the cause and you have a paradox if it works (it doesn't, in that case).